6/13/10 cont

I want to have my life in the church. I want to learn to chant. If my handsome is going to continue to be a barrier to my spiritual purpose then I wish God would make him move on at this point in my life when Im already numb. Ideally Id like us to be what we were in the beginning- two people who worshipped God together. But of course thats something I want and its already well established that I dont get what I want in this life. We were designed to serve God together. Im only happy when Im close to God even if Im angry with Him for letting this shit happen in my life. I found some cream cheese fruit dip and decided to make a nice snack. Got some berries and an orange to zest. It was yummy.