I slept well, but still woke up completely exhausted. The stress at work is going to kill me. God may not give us more than we can handle, but I seem to have created a mess for myself that I can't quite get through.
The shower felt so good. The warm water running over me. Clean hair. I thought it might wake me up, but not really. I knew what was ahead of me and it was just too daunting.
I tackled a few of the bills and got those taken care of. Luckily, the weather totally crapped out, so Handsome was willing to just hang around the house today. We had planned on trying to go sailing, but not in the fog.
Once I got the bills taken care of, it was diving into this pile of IEP goals. I decided I would go on and off, do one goal and then do something else. It is prolonging the process, but at least my brain is fresh with each goal. I am probably still not doing them correctly, but at least I'm trying.
Spent a little while looking at job openings in the entire Southern California area. There are a lot of opportunities. Just none of them are close to home.
Handsome made biscuits for breakfast and they were good. Then he decided to go down to the harbor and pick the dinghy up out of the water. While he was there, he decided to wash the sails so that he could stay out of my hair. It looks as though he really has learned to be an amazing man. Sucks that he had to rip my heart and sanity to complete shreds, and this job mess is a complication of all of that, too. But I'm glad that maybe we can finally be happy.
Had an orange, did my AlphaStim today. Maybe a little healthy stuff can help.
Journal reflection:
March 20, 2004
O Lord, grant me to greet the coming day in peace. Help me in all things to rely on Your Holy will. In every hour of the day reveal Your will to me. Bless my dealings with tall who surround me. Teach me to treat all that comes to me throughout the day will peace of soul and with the firm conviction that Your will governs all. In all my words and deeds guide my thoughts and feelings. In unforeseen events let me not forget that all are sent by You. Teach me to act firmly and wisely without embittering and embarrassing others. Give me the strength to bear the fatigue of the coming day will all that it shall bring. Direct my will, teach me to pray, pray You Yourself in me. Amen.
--- I was trying to memorize this prayer then. I have not done so, nor do I apply it well to my life. Each morning is filled with dread and fear of the expectations before me. What was going on then? Handsome was on worker's comp. for his shoulder. I was working as an aide with JS. Precious was 15, which was not a good year for her, but she was with us. I need to remember this prayer. I need to engrave it on my heart.
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