It just hit me!

I just had a brain storm. I've been reading the tvexplorer web page and as difficult as it is, it has definitely been helping. I don't know why I have been so incessantly obsessing on finding the truth. Then I was reading their blog about what will it be like in 10 years, just as boring? That's when it hit me. I am not afraid that he will cheat again. I am afraid that our marriage will be as empty as it was before he cheated. He will still lock me out of thought and heart and I will again shut down and dead comes just after that.