Journal reflection- March 19, 2004
O lord, grant me to greet the coming day in peace. Help me in all things to rely on YOur Holy will. In every hour of the day reveal Your will to me. Bless my dealings with all who surround me. Teach me to treat all that comes to me throughout the day with peace of soul and with the firm conviction that Your will governs all. In all my words and deeds guide my thoughts and feelings. In unforeseen events let me not forget that all are sent by You. Teach me to act firmly and wisely without embittering and embarrassing others. Give me the strength to bear the fatigue of the coming day with all that it shall bring. Direct my will, teach me to pray, pray You Yourself in me. Amen.
Have unity of spirit, sympathy, love for one another, a tender heart and a humble mind. Do not repay evil for evil or abuse for abuse. On the contrary, repay with a blessing. 1 Peter 3:8-9
I read this at a crazy time in my life. When hasn't been a crazy time? Although my life is far more simple than a giant number of people, it seems it has been crazy to me. I was working full time, going to school full time for my credential, home schooling Precious, and still responsible for everything in the house- the bills, the groceries, dinner, cleaning everything. I needed this connection with God and sought Him out for support. Apparently I will always need him for support. I guess I can see now how easy it was for the ones wandering in the desert with Moses to forget who saved them. I felt distant from my husband, like he had shut me out and I was a huge disappointment even as I struggled to get him the things that he wanted. We enjoyed the boat and he spent a lot of his free time on the Trophy, taking it out before or after work.
This Epistle reading has struck me today as I read it in the circumstance that I am in now. I am trying to move on in my life, but I just don't know if I want to stay still. Repay evil with a blessing? Is that God's way of telling me that even though my husband doesn't trust me or believe me, even though I am not the one who screwed around, it is my place to take the higher ground. I just have so little respect for myself.
Today is a work day. I've got a sub and I can get out for a while. I needed a day by myself. I hope the kids are doing well, but I don't really want to check in.
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