divorce

Today I had another thought. What if I were to go ahead and divorce him. Dr. said that he didn't think I should take leaving out as an option, I should always stay because I want to be here, not because I have to. So what if I did divorce him. What if I divided up all the assets and bills and made it so that I could walk out the door at a moment's notice and never even have to turn around. Then he would owe me nothing and I would be responsible for nothing of his. We would both be here just because we want to be. He wouldn't have to explain the shit he put me through because it wouldn't matter anymore. I wouldn't be his wife. I'd just be a roommate and girlfriend. Hell, that's what I've already been for the last four years, might as well make it official. I could leave anytime I wanted and he could tell me he didn't want me at any moment and that would be it. Obviously there is not any commitment in this marriage already. He's already left and cheated and I spend everyday thinking I should get a divorce. So if we do, I would know that I am absolutely here each day because I want to be and he wants me to be. Don't get me wrong, I am not staying because I have to. I could divorce and leave if my heart would make up its mind. I just think by doing the business end, it takes my head out of the equation and my heart can do what it wants. If I have a day where I feel like loving, I can love. If I feel like hating and living on the boat for a week, there's nothing to stop me. I would owe him nothing. For once in my life, I could be the selfish one.