Thankful...

I am thankful that I seem to be getting my voice back. I realized that my 16 year old self would absolutely hate me because I have given up on every single dream I ever had, or had it taken from me. So I am playing with my voice and seeing what I can do with it.

After about 2 months of lessons, the cobwebs seem to be shaking off. I am regaining some of my range back and am starting to like what I hear again. I am even playing with the idea of performing again. It has been so long since I have been in front of an audience. I was young and stupid then. Now I'm just stupid.

We're talking about recording. I am totally nervous. I haven't recorded my voice in nearly 20 years, and then I was only back up.

The hardest part is choosing a song that means something to me. All the love songs mean shit to me. I find that I am often too mad at God for the Christian choices. And the "Hit the Road Jack" songs don't apply either, cause I'm still here.

I thought about "My Tribute", but I was having some difficulty thinking of "the things He has done for me". Then I realized, He has given me so much, even in this hell I live in. He has been here for me, faithfully. He died for my sins, which are plenty. He has given me gifts that allow me to sing and to care for children that most would not have the patience for. Even when I abandoned Him, he never left my side, even if I felt He had.

I have always started with that song at every new church that I've sung at. Maybe I should start there again. Especially as I sit thinking about my gratitude log...