channel anger

How does he do it? Live with the secrets? It still is eating me alive and I'm not the liar. How does he live as if nothing happened? How does he just forget?

channel anger

This has not been a good week for me where it is about him. 2 days down, 1 day ok, 2 more down. Same old questions. Not quite the same depression.

anger

I am totally cranky today. It's PMS, but everything is pissing me off.

9/19/2010

Will I ever completely be able to relax and totally trust in his love and honesty again?

activity log 9/19/10

2:45 Hanging on the boat. Windy again so I am confined to the cabin again. Gonna check the calendar.

9/19/2010

It's been 17 days this time and still going. Orthros was a challenge but fun. Liturgy was long today with the blessing of a 40 year marriage and Sunday school. Gathered a few things to go to the boat. Please God can it not be cold?

activity log 9/9/10

9:15 pm start activity log

channel anger into writing

Well. Its been six days this time and Im still going. Its not that I dont still have unpleasant thoughts on my so called good days. The thoughts just dont linger or reoccur as often. Today I counted 30 minutes between and both went away quickly. I am not sure if it is the Celexa or God that is working but I dont feel insane.

9/5/10

Wow. Today has been a great day. After 4 really bad brain days, I'm on a 3 day good roll. Got up and got ready for church. Out of the house a little after 8:00. I ended up getting to church really early. The narthex wasn't even set up yet. Lit a couple candles for Precious and Handsome. Decided to read my book while I waited for orthros. Shortly after it started, Fr. approached me to tell me I should join the cantors. Even more, I should sing with the choir. I read with Dean and John. I was totally nervous but I LOVED it. It was a little hard to pray when I was trying so hard not to screw up, but I managed to here and there. After orthros, I went upstairs and they had already started. I stood in the door until I could talk with Robert. Soon, one of the ladies motioned for me to come in. Nannette shared her book with me but I still knew most of the songs. It took Robert a minute to remember me, but he did. It felt good. It felt right. I didn't have any bad thoughts the whole morning. Not one. After church I called Handsome to see what he was doing. He was close to home so I headed home. We went to the storage unit and dropped off the diving stuff, picked up some of my school stuff and now we are just at home.

channel anger into writing

The last few days have been really hard for me since Handsome went back to work. Everything is coming back up again. I'm getting more angry at myself for not being able to trust God to take care of all of this. I am so tired of these bad feelings.

good things

Handsomd had the credit to pay for Precious' wisdom teeth to be removed.