thought record

On Thursday, I decided to tell Handsome that I have forgiven him. I am leaving any necessity for consequence in the hands of God. I'm too exhausted to be his mother and responsible for whether or not he gets a spanking. Life here on this world is too short to spend my time angry and hurt all the time. I suppose my emotions will continue to fluctuate, but I will continue to give it over to God. He is the most merciful and the most wrathful. He knows all the truth, which I can never, ever know. It is very hard for me to relinquish control, to not know everything, but I am defeated in this war. It is one that I can never win. The only truth that I can ever know is the truth that is Christ. So why spend any more of my life beating us both up? I still am not sure that I consider us husband and wife. It seems as though that bond has been disintegrated, but I continue to pray every day for God's will in my life, that I grow in Christ each and every moment of my life.