upset

I've spent a lot of time the last 24 hours in prayer. I have truly found that the only source of peace is God. Without Him, I am a ginormous mess. A few verses in particular stuck out to me- like something about the Lord is my vindication. A suppose this means that I am supposed to trust God to take care of any punishment my husband and his lovers deserve. It is hard for me to trust Him, though. I keep thinking that He allowed the mess to happen in the first place, second place, third place, over and over again. In truth I allowed it to occur repeatedly. But if He didn't stop it in the past, what do I really have to lean on that He will stop it in the future. I am having a really time trusting God. Maybe that's one of the things that most upsets me about this whole affair. I always trusted in God and now my "Christian" husband has managed to shake my faith, something no atheist could do before. I guess Satan knows my weakness... I can't forgive and I am nowhere near as trusting as I used to think I was.